A Stranger to Myself.

I swear I felt the jump of energy, the switch being turned on,
I can hear the hum of it,
but I can't make sense
of what it is that I am thinking.
My mind is finally signing on,
and still I can't break into it,
I can sense emotion building inside of me,
like the dam has been broken
or the flood gates opened,
and yet I am still asking questions.
I am a stranger to my own mind,
I am merely a rider of the roller coaster
that is often referred to as my emotional state,
it is like I have discovered a new color,
one not before found within the spectrum,
but how does one define the undefined?
It is hard to explore myself,
to even know and understand myself,
when I am confined to certain spaces within myself.
There are times in my life when I feel too much,
where I merely play the rag doll
being tossed about by the wrath of the sea,
and there are times in my life where I feel but can't comprehend,
can you imagine feeling pressure on your skin,
but never feeling the warm skin of a human caress?
And then there are the other times in my life where I feel empty,
like someone scooped out all my insides:
left me hollow, with no explaination as to why.
I know that I am feeling something,
I can feel the pressure inside,
but I can only make guesses as to why.
Perhaps it is my fear of being alone,
for here I sit in the dark trying to find solace,
or by chance it is my reluctancy to say good night,
for tomorrow is not today and today is finally okay.
I can't say for sure,
but I can admit outloud,
I am still a stranger,
even to myself.

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With that the continuation of my promise to finish writing about these promptings:
Audrie, Memories, Sherri - Not enough me. Who I want to be, throw my head back and scream: I dont want to be the queen. Want grand things but grand things take more than one person. Birthday coming up. =C
Mind is finally signing on. Shutter Island - our sanity. Our brains are amazing coping mechanisms. Sherrys birthday. Mom stepping up. <3 Gut feeling of sorrow - shutter island. Empathetic.