Today was a very stressful day for unknown reasons. I have felt crowded, used and yet alone. There were times throughout the day when I could feel situations turn a key and tighten the strings of my composure to see if my wire would snap. I could feel how tight the wires were, and any strum of those strings surely would be out of tune and surely snap each string. I feel changes inside of me. Its like my inside are rewriting themselves. I never used to be angry, I always had control of my words, any random fit I wanted to throw but now, things are changing. I am becoming angry and the anger is not of the fleeting sort, it is the simmering kind that sits on the back burner, constantly bubbling up in my life. It is a ferocious anger, like a starved canine, trained to become a carnibal for its own survival. The anger is changing me.
Other than the constant anger there is the feeling that keeps coming up: unhappy and uncontent, whichever it is. I have done things today, played video games, got up at 10, ate, talked with my father, wrestled with him, went to the mall, ate, taught my mom and dad how to play Gears of War, watched Drop Dead Diva and yet I feel like I had a bad day. I haven’t though, so why do I feel like this? I have been thinking about this all day and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to make a list everyday and accomplish it and I also need, need-need-need, to get back into routines. I need to get up early and get dressed everyday to feel happier and ready for life, whether I have something to do or not.
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