Dreams, Love and What not.

While You Slept.
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I woke up this morning before you,
I thought about waking you up
but you were curved against me,
and when I moved, you moved.
Laying so close to you for so long
had seemed to melt us into one,
and I did not want to find the seams just yet,
no, not for a little while longer.
So instead I watched you sleep,
watched the way your whole body
tightened around my arm when
I held you closer.
Everything in these moments
are unconcious and instinctive,
you want me to be close,
you find comfort in my warmth,
just as I in conciousness desire you.
Your skin is warm under my fingertips,
my hands are the perfect size to cup your jaw,
run my thumb over your parted mouth,
but I refrain in fear it will shatter this moment,
instead I gently nuzzle my head against your chest,
and I listen to your heart throb against my ear,
as I breathe in sync with you.
The comfort I find here in your slumbering arms
is unlike any other comfort,
and I pray when you watch me sleep,
you feel the same way.
I feel myself dissolving,
being ripped from your warm arms,
I desire not to leave you,
but I am slowly becoming more aware
of my aching body.
The clock glares at me,
as if time were angry for my escape,
and as I sit up from my slumber,
alone in my bed,
I already know that today is going to be,
an empty day.

Everyone keeps rambling on and on about love and happiness and how they are so lucky to be loved. *Sighs* In the past 6 months, I have been invited to over 10 weddings, bridal showers and baby showers. I have had enough of all this blah, blah, blah. I need not to be reminded of how alone I am and how no one will love me, hell, I have my freaking dreams to remind me! I feel like the world's most unlucky girl. And yet, what hurts even more is knowing I am not ready to be loved. I want this so bad and yet I can't have it. Have never had it. I am the one who always does the chasing. I have never been courted. I have never been asked out by a guy - matter of fact, I've always asked the guy out! *Slouches over and covers her face with her hands* Sometimes, I even have to bribe my friends to hang out with me.

And the friends, newly acquired, Miss Jaclyn specially who want to hang out and go have a great time hiking or volunteering or what not - I can't see because I don't have the transportation, or money or support. I am finally ready to put my fears aside, to jump even if that means I have to face the emotions that will grasp me as I plumet towards the water. Cause I know once I hit the water and gravity finally catches me, that I will be okay and I will be glad that I took that leap of faith. But again, of course I can't.

I am the last wilted leaf clingling to a vine that endures the harsh rapping wind and ice of winter.