It doesn't seem right, how loud my mind hums with the thousands of tiny details I am trying to hold onto and not forget so that I may record them in some form. "Me: Don't Dance! Ashley and Me yelling: We're going to die!" I prefer my head in the sand. I beg for ways to keep track of all the things screaming inside my head and everytime I find somewhere to write them down there is an ironic deafness that occurs. I know that inside I am still screaming but when I try to hear it, really hear it, I get the tip of the tongue feeling - so close, nearly have it but can't remember it. I also realized as I came and sat down on my bed that I still have a candle lit, one I usually don't light that is off in a corner of the room, is lit and probably has been since my friend was over four days ago? Naw, I would have noticed it. Hmm. Odd, very odd. I didn't notice it earlier even, when we sat in the "fake" dark. Parts of me feel so mature and ready for the next part of life, but the core pieces of me are undeveloped. I have the accessories but no foundation. It sucks. I need to find order, consistency, follow-through. Just realized I hurt Jesse. Never good to realize you assumed someone was joking when they were trying to express how they felt.